Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Brooklyn comes to New Jersey

The fifth day confirmed, what the four before had implied….
Our energies and connection is so strong, that it can’t be denied.

My heart and minds would not let me rest. The constant beats and thoughts of Brooklyn created an anxiety that would not be calmed. I was sitting at my part-time job on Sunday, waiting until the clock struck three. It was at that time that I would race home and get ready for him. Brooklyn texts throughout the day gave me a temporary relief. After what seemed like forever, my workday had concluded and I went home to prepare. Getting ready for Brooklyn is such a long process. I start by looking in my closet to pick just the right outfit. I’m thinking to myself, I have to get some new sneakers and some new clothes. Normally I am not concerned with fashion (as long as its clean and neat I am usually satisfied), but for some reason I want to be extra fly’ for Brooklyn. This presents a problem because I don’t seem to have any fly’ outfits. {hint… Christmas is coming}
After many attempts, I found a pair of jeans and a nice fitted long-sleeve shirt. Finding clothes is just the beginning. Next comes my “hygienic cleansing process”. This is where my inner and outer body is cleaned thoroughly. After the cleaning process, I dressed and left my room.

When I saw him we both smiled. Every time we see each other it is like the muscles in our face take on a mind of their own and form a smile. I love it. We decided to go on a double date. We met the other couple in downtown BK. to see Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married” for the second time. We held hands throughout the movie, acting out our emotions vicariously through the characters. After the movie we drove back to BK and had discussions on life, love, and relationships. We commented on the pace of the friendship/relationship and decided to disregard the negative thoughts of the proverbial “they”. After walking back to Brooklyn’s 2 bedroom apt., we took off our clothes and began passionately kissing. We fell onto the bed, one on top of the other. Our bodies connected. We could feel that the other was excited. We could see that the other was excited. We tasted each other. We……………………we stopped!!! We went to sleep. (NO SEX)

I woke up on Monday morning and returned to work after taking the last week off. I could think of nothing, but the night before. I could only think of this new man that had walked into my life. What makes him different” Why do I want him so badly? Why am I willing to give myself to him mind body and soul? Why am I prepared to alter my life for him? Why am I so happy? These questions made my day fly by. After school I gave him a call to see how his day was going. He informed me that he too, was thinking of me the night before. I suggested he come to Jersey when he said he wanted to see me. He said, “I don’t know, It’s kinda’ far…I’m kinda’ tired…I have to go see my grandma….I have to go home first….I have to go to work in the morning…” I wasn’t hearing the excuses. I wanted to hold him in my arms again. I wanted to wake up with him next to me. Every excuse he had, I combated until he gave in and got on the train. I picked him up with a huge smile on my face (those damn face muscles). We returned to the my place and greeted formally with a long embrace and long kiss. We decided to find out a little more about each other. Brooklyn, being the organized man that he is decided to make a list; A list of our likes and dislikes; A His and His List. We listed our favorite foods, colors, and ice cream. We listed our pet peeves, our fears, our goals, and our good points. While making the list, dinner arrived. I had chicken fingers and French fries, while he had fried calamari, a cheeseburger and fries. For desert we had strawberry cheesecake (which would be eaten later on) After the meal, we talked some more. One of my favorite aspects of this relationship is the communication. I love how we are so comfortable to talk to each other. We talk about sensitive areas of life. We reassure the other that we are willing to push through problems great and small. (I am reassuring you again Brooklyn, that we can and will make it through ANY problem!) The talking went from the chair to the bed. Our bodies seem to take over at a certain point (maybe because we have been depriving them of sex). Our bodies screamed for each other. The excitement was overwhelming. The heartbeats grew faster, the air became steamy, and the love that was hidden burst through the walls of fear and resistance. There is no turning back now. After our passionate moment, took a shower. I washed every inch of his body and he washed every inch of mine. It was another way of getting close to each other; a way of knowing each other on an intimate level. After the shower, I turned on the Golden Girls (my favorite televisions show, which he also likes… yay!!!). We watched the girls and fed each other cheese cake. This has been a very sensual experience. We have used all five of our senses to experience each other…… Hearing (talking about love), Taste (eating together; feeding each other), Touch (washing each others’ body), Smell (discovering the scents of the other) and Sight (making it a point to see each other at every possible moment). Announcement to you all…….. I am happy! I am content! I am officially UN-Single!

…And so it goes

Friday, October 26, 2007

"I just want you close, where you can stay forever..."

So, Alicia has to say it for me because I have no words to describe last night. I did not want to let go. Before I go on, let me just say that there was no sex, which in it self is an enormous achievement for me....

It started a few weeks ago at a club where I met this guy (let's call him Brooklyn). My friends introduced us, but he seemed pre-occupied, as he was the host of the party. I left the club without getting any further indication of his attraction towards me. I said, "oh well" and the idea of him was placed in the corner of my mind. Last week my friends and I attended a group discussion where I saw Brooklyn again. This time his attention was on me and mine on him. Throughout the meeting we exchanged flirtatious comments and prolonged eye contact. Unfortunately, we parted ways again without exchanging information. From that day, I said, "I want him." Well, they say if you put things out into the universe they start to happen and sure enough I got a myspace message from Brooklyn requesting me as a friend. (Gotta love that damn myspace, No one can hide) After a couple of days of emails we decided to meet, which brings me to last night.

What can I say, without sounding like the helplessly romantic cancer that I am....Hmmmm. We talked...and talked...and talked...Communication opens the doors to so much. Our conversation was so empowering and uplifting. We talked about life. We talked our goals, our dreams, our ideas. We talked over wine. We talked by candle light. We talked listening to Chrisette Michele. We talked with smiles on our faces. We talked in between kisses. Well you get the idea.....We talked!!! All night long, until we fell asleep in each others arms. I wish you could feel the emotion and connection. I can only hope that it is real. Don't worry, I am not deleting accounts yet (I've done that b4). I am going to play this one out slowly. I just wanted to share by joy with you. I challenge you all to communicate with your lovers or friends. It is a phenomenal tool that allows relationships to flourish.

...And so it goes

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Interpretations of Educations

I am so tempted to spend this whole blog talking about love, relationships, and the broken heart that I feel as a result of my best friends parting ways. I know that I am a helpless romantic so I will try not to pour my soul out to you on here. So......

Education! As you know, I am in my senior year at Kean University. I am graduating in May with a Bachelor degree in English. (HALLELUJAH) I have been sitting in my classes the past few weeks and I started thinking about my childhood. As a child my mother tried to instill Christian beliefs and moral values in me. I was happy to follow her lead and grew up believing in GOD and followoing the teachings of the Bible. My mother also was a firm believer in education. School was not an option, but a neccesity. When I finally came out (of the closet) my mother was horrified and stopped talking to me for a year. We are now speaking and have a somewhat normal relationship. My religous beliefs were tested as I began to ask myself questions about being gay and a christian. I soon learned that love is love. I believe that I will not be punished for loving another human being, regardless of gender. As I am attending my college courses (the ones that my mother says were so important to take), I am learning that the bible is full of contradictions. My professors teach against the bible and against natural religion. One of my professors even stated that Jesus Christ was gay and having "relations" with his disciples. Now, I laugh at some of my professors, but the interesting thing is that the same institution that my mother built up in my head is the same one that is destroying the religous belifs that she worked so hard to instill. I guess that is irony. Education is great. Education is not for the meek. You have to be strong in yourself and in your own beliefs. Know who you are. Do not let anyone-teacher, parents, friends, preacher-anyone tell you what or who to believe in. You have to find your own way. In the end, Love is the answer. Love yourself, Love your neighbor, Love your enemy, Love your brother, Love everyone......I guess that is spoken like a true helpless romantic. lol sorry.

...And so it goes